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Beyond the connect button: The lost art of relationship-driven recruiting

Written by Evan Payne | May 6, 2025 5:33:44 AM

In an industry obsessed with metrics, automation, and "time to fill," we're facing a curious paradox: despite having more ways to connect than ever before, authentic recruiting relationships seem harder to build.

This challenge took center stage in a recent conversation between two industry veterans who've witnessed the evolution of recruiting relationships firsthand: Brian Fink, Senior Talent Acquisition Leader at McAfee, and Gerry Crispin, co-founder of CareerXroads and a lifelong champion of recruiting excellence.

Their candid discussion cut through the noise of "best practices" and "engagement strategies" to address a fundamental question that's becoming increasingly urgent: In our hyper-connected world, have we lost the art of real connection?

The authenticity problem we're all feeling

Brian's observation hits close to home for many of us: "We've gone through an era of transactional recruiting. Maybe we've forgotten how to create those magical moments." He shared a painfully relatable example: regularly meeting colleagues at conferences, connecting on every social platform, but not even having their phone numbers. It's a perfect snapshot of where we've landed — thousands of connections, but how many authentic relationships?

Gerry's challenge cuts even deeper: "What do you do with 30,000 connections if you can't make any of them feel important?" It's not just about the numbers, it's about the impact we're having on each person behind those connection requests.

The power of intentional relationships

Want to see what real relationship-building looks like? Consider the military recruiter who completely flipped the script on rejection. Instead of sending those cookie-cutter "thanks but no thanks" emails, he boldly said, "I don't lose any of them." He stayed connected with every veteran candidate until they landed their next role. The result wasn't just a network — it was a community built on trust and genuine care.

Brian takes a similarly intentional, if more structured, approach. His "Follow-up Friday" system is brilliantly simple: He reaches out to 25 people weekly about their world, not his. As he puts it, "You've got to make those small deposits. It's not about what's going on in mine; it's about what's going on in their world."

And surprisingly, building better connections might start with disconnecting. Brian's "then and two" rule (taking breaks at 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. daily) helps maintain focus on what matters. "Take a breather, take a deep breath," he advises. In our rush to connect with everyone, we might connect deeply with no one.

The patience to build something real

Gerry shares the hard truth about authentic relationships: they take time. "I don't have any expectations about a return on investment in anything less than 10, 15, 20 years." But his reflection on what makes it worthwhile resonates deeply: "I think it's important to be doing something that you can take pride in. I can't believe that simply putting a body in a seat is what would give you contentment."

Making the shift

In a world where AI and automation are reshaping recruiting, human connection isn't just nice to have, it's essential. Ready to transform your approach? Here are five ways to start:

  1. Make your "hot 100" list and check it twice: Identify your key relationships and actually stay in touch.
  2. Listen like you mean it: Stop thinking about your next question and really listen to what people are saying.
  3. Keep the door open: Maintain valuable connections, even when there's nothing in it for you.
  4. Take real breaks: Give yourself space to be genuine and aware.
  5. Add value first: Before hitting "connect," ask yourself, "What am I willing to do for this person?"

Remember, the goal isn't to have the biggest network, it's to build relationships that actually matter. In a world of automated everything, being genuinely human might just be your greatest asset.